Jack Wrangler RIP

Interesting obituary in the New York Times this morning: Jack Wrangler, a porn star (in both gay and straight movies) from the 70's. After his porn career was over he got married and found a new career as a writer and cabaret producer.

More Worries

I got upset this morning when I logged into my bank and saw my wife spent several hundreds of dollars on cosmetics and books for my son. Then at work I look at my credit card account and see even more money spent on a camp and more cosmetics. The stuff for my son is understandable but she could have consulted with me first. But that goddamn cosmetics? She is using my accounts to which she has not contributed anything. I need that money to pay the mortgage, the utilities and taxes! When the hell am I going to do? I took her debit card (to our joint account) out of her purse and locked in my safe. I have to get her to get a better paying job and start paying for things, not just spending my money.

Solitary Confinement

I found this article in the New Yorker about the effects of solitary confinement on human beings. I've never been a prisoner but I wonder if some of this applies to me based on isolation during my adolescence. Some of the spree killers who turn up now and then all seem to have led extremely isolated lives, with little normal contact with others. Certainly the guy at Virginia Tech seemed to be totally cut off from anybody. I'm not sure why this happens since these people were not forcibly put into a cell and physically cut off from everyone else. In America High Schools though some kids are just treated like shit and socially isolated from everyone else. It's gotta to have some impact on them, even if it is not as extreme as the prisoners in the story.

The hanged man

Weird coincidence: was just watching an episode of Lost in which John Locke tries to hang himself. A moment later I accept an invitation from a friend on Facebook. When I go to his page, I see a tarot card application there. The card of the day is the hanged man. The explanation of the card says that it means I have to look at my situation from a new perspective. It goes on, "The Hanged Man creates change by acting passively and accepting fate. By surrendering control and making yourself vulnerable, you will facilitate change in your life." I wonder to whom I should surrender control and make myself vulnerable?

chats

I chatted on IRC for several hours with gauge last weekend. It's hard to know what to make of her but she seems interested me. It's weird to find a female in a gay chatroom (assuming she really is female). She keeps asking if I am corporeal and implies that I might be some kind of demon. I keep saying I'm not one.

John Updike

John Updike just died. I read The Witches of Eastwick, Roger's Version and Memories of the Ford Administration, which is the one that stands out for me most. It's more about James Buchanan then Gerald Ford but it offered an interesting contrast between the chaste Buchanan, the only bachelor to be president, and the open sexuality of the seventies. What appealed to me most I think is his obvious love of American history and literature as shown by the Hawthorne themes in Roger's Version, the interest in an obscure president like Buchanan and his observations on modern America.

Titanic

Recently a reader rebuked Camille Paglia’s defense of the movie “Titanic”, I’m guilty too of liking a lot about this movie despite its shortcomings. As Paglia points out, the sinking of the Titanic is one of the great all time stories. What also appeals to me about this version is the way Cameron emphasizes the passage of time and the hold that memory has on us. Of course, using flashbacks is a common device in Hollywood, but the photography of the wreck at the bottom of the ocean, contrasted with the grand ship on its maiden voyage, provides special poignancy here. We can’t help but be fascinated by the remains of a lost world, just as we are with the Pyramids and the ruins of Pompeii. At various points in the movie the camera switches from the young Kate to the old one and from the ship of the past to the wreckage at the bottom of the sea. At the end of the movie we see photos of Kate’s life since the sinking. I like the way it shows that she has moved on and built a new life, but the past still has deep meaning for her. That’s want the theme song is about and I think it’s responsible for a lot of the film’s popularity, not just the teen girls’ infatuation with Leonardo DiCaprio. I’m fascinated by the old Kate’s line that Jack only exists in her memory now. A shipboard romance or a college relationship can have huge power over us many years later. It may not be the most original theme but it’s powerful since memory is really all we have.

Lost

I recently watched the first season of Lost on DVD. I received the set for Christmas. One moment I identified with occurred in a flashback when Sawyer is having a drink with Jack's father. The father, talking about Jack, says he could fix his relationship with just one phone call and points to a pay phone in the bar. I can relate to that. Sometimes a single call can solve a problem but a person just can't bring himself to pick up the phone and say what needs to be said. You can be filled with regret for the rest of your left because of it.

One thing I don't find as believable is Kate's obsession with the toy airplane. She robs a bank and is willing to shoot people in order to recover the souvenir of the man whose death she caused. I've never really developed a bond with a material object simply because it belonged to someone I loved and lost. Maybe some people do.